Today is our day.
Today we deserve to take hold of the revolutionary idea that we can make today about us.
We can leave guilt behind; it is not our choices that have created a rift between ourselves and our mothers. It is not our choices that have reaped consequences and therefore it is not our responsibility to shoulder them.
We may feel alone but it is not something we have done to ourselves, it is not a choice, we are not to blame. And even though it feels like we are the ones left in isolation and pain because our mothers refuse to shoulder the burden of hurt, it does not make it our fault. We experience pain because of the loss, rejection and abuse and just because they won't own up to it does not mean we have to carry all of it. It is not ours to carry. We can forgive ourselves because we have done nothing wrong, we are not the reason things have failed, crashed and burned.
We sometimes end up taking on more of the injury and damage than is truly ours. It's okay to let it go, it doesn't mean we are irresponsible or ignoring the hurt, we are just taking care of the only portion that is actually ours and shifting the rest of the burden where it belongs. Narcissists and abusive parents have a tendency of gaslighting, causing damage and then walking away with no repercussions. When their kid is left with all the repercussions it can feel like it is their fault, they end up carrying the hurt while the parent has little to no damage. The walking away is to teach the kid, trick the kid, that all the responsibility for that hurt is theirs and that they must have done something wrong or the parent would still be around or would have owned their part. But that is not how narcissists and abusive parents operate, they will never own their part, so let's not own it for them. Let's dump all the blame and guilt we place on ourselves and put it into their corner, even if just in our minds.
We can feel sad today and grieve our losses, but let's not be sad because we think it is something we have done to deserve it. That we have somehow chosen self exile and self inflicting pain. It's not true. Let's not hold onto sadness with guilt and self depreciation because we think we could have done better, chosen different. It's not true. The only ones who could have done better and chosen different are the mothers (parents) who have created isolation and estrangement. They choose their behavior and the consequences are theirs whether they pretend they are or not. They did all the damage, and inflicted the hurt.
Today is about us, about letting go of the things we did not do and loving ourselves and our inner child. Today is about celebrating the mother within who has nurtured and coached us back to health and well being. We can celebrate how amazing and wondrous it is that we have the capacity to do that, how much we grow and that we have done it all without our dysfunctional parents.
We are quite amazing!
Happy Mothers day to us.